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I'd rather destroy the planet than carpool with coworkers.

Greetings From Earth 30 Percent Above Water For Now

Try to save electricity today by limiting yourself to 15 hours online.

Celebrate Earth Day by not hating everyone on a Citi Bike for 24 hours.

Just wanted the office to know this Earth Day that I won't be giving any wasteful courtesy flushes during the crap I'm about to take.

The only thing I plan to waste on
Earth Day is my
company's time.

Happy Pretending You Know What You Can And Can’t Recycle Day.

Happy Earth Day to all remaining species.

Let's stop climate change before the rising tides create more surfers.

It's the perfect day to sound only slightly insane for warning the world about cow farts.

I'd like to conserve energy this Earth Day by letting you be on top.

I hope a 38-year-old winning the Boston Marathon doesn't make you feel even worse for inevitably blowing off the gym today.

The only college friend you'll have for the rest of your life is Sallie Mae.

I have a type and
apparently it's men
who don't want to
date me.

I'm sorry your celebration of 4/20 has gotten in the way of remembering where you hid the Easter eggs.

I wish someone would tell me to sit in the corner and think about what I've eaten.
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